I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
