The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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