so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
