Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
