belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.