The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.