I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
