I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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