I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
