i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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