she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
