Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize