so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
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I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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