something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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