The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
