The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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