Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
