I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
