This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
