somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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