I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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