I've blown a few things in my day
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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