i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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