porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
