You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
