just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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