Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
