She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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