So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
FUCK WHALES
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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