I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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