Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
