Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
