i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
