Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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