I CAN MOONWALK!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
