Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
