She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
