Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Randomize
