i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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