Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
