Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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