trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
