we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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