Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
