I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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