I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
