I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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