I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
