I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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