How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
