I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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