I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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