i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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