Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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