Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
