She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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