Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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