He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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