dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
