literally had 100 drinks last night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
